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there are so many things that change in your life once you become a parent. all those things you loathed or had no interest in suddenly become open game again. i mean, just because i didnt want to be a figure skater, doesnt mean my daughter cant be, right? her hobbies and interests dont necessarily have to reflect mine, do they? (side note: thank GOD she didnt choose figure skating - i know how early and how often they practice!).
when she entered first grade in september she came home with a folder full of registation sheets and information for various programs and clubs. she told us she wanted to join gymnastics and brownies (pre-girl guides for those of you not in the 6 year old girl loop). we told her she could chose one (and prayed it wasn't gymnastics - she has the grace of a goat.) our prayers were answered - brownies it was.
i was a bit concerned at first. i remember when i was seven i pleaded with my parents to sign me up for brownies. that belt with the little wallet and pencil just thrilled me to bits. (yes, even then i was always eyeing up the shoes and bags). i think i went to 5 or 6 meetings and dropped out. i knew at that point that "clubs and organizations" were NOT my thing. but this was my daughter, and it was now about her, not me (eek!) and, being an only child, we thought this would be a very good choice; social interaction outside of school, no expensive equipment required, learn to be a friendly, helpful and polite citizen, FANTASTIC cookies... wonderful! even better, her best friend's mom was a leader and offered to pick her up from school every monday and take the girls together.
i cant remember why i couldnt pick her up on the first day... but i remember my husband coming home and saying, "you will NEVER guess who one of the leaders is..." it was jen. jen. the ONLY person on earth, that i actually 100% know, hates me. and trust me, the feeling is very VERY intensely mutual. i tell him i will never pick our daughter up. i fear if she knows i am the mom, her feelings for me will reflect on our daughter. i kill 2 birds with one stone - avoid jen and avoid the "club".
fast forward to tonight. "thinking day" district potluck. i knew i couldnt say no. i had already avoided the hot dog sales, bake sales and other mini-events. my daughter was so excited... and this was about her. not me. i prayed, for the past 2 brownie meetings, that a note would come home saying "due to unforseen circumstances, the district potluck will be postponed indefinitely..." but alas, i'd already used up all my prayers wishing she would choose brownines (i wonder if the gymnastics club has district potlucks? somehow i doubt it... damn.)
so we go. and it is insane. a million little girls everywhere. and their mothers. and grandmothers. and aunties. and, thankfully, a few (very few) dads. my husband had absolutely no choice; i needed him there for my own sanity. i put my gorgeous, brightly coloured greek salad in amongst the sea of dull grey, brown and orange. the cream of mushroom soup laden casseroles. the everything-looks-better-with-melted cheese dishes. the deviled eggs. the macaroni salad. it was like a carbohydrate convention. (i wanted to kiss the little girl who exclaimed (loudly) to her mother "look mom!" as she pointed excitedly to my salad. i hoped there was enough left for me by the time i got to the feeding trough. i dont trust food from a kitchen i've never seen (though i am sure most of the women there are having secret affairs with mr.clean).
then the event took an interesting turn. june cleaver potluck turned into dinner AND entertainment. and i remember now why i hate clubs and organizations. especially ones that revolve around all female membership.
we send our girls to brownies to learn to be kind and caring. to treat others with respect. to take care of the world around them. and before my eyes these women, the women who are there to guide these little girls, the women who sit with their children in a room full of others, begin to argue. the pettiness is unbelievable. the consideration to move away from the crowd and into a private area, unthought of. the claws come out. words exchanged. complete mean nasty bitchiness. i am not impressed, but at the same time, extremely amused. there are tears. i watch in disbelief. i wonder if anyone else is thinking the same thing i am; the irony of the entire situation. i wonder if they care.
i look at my husband. i tell him i need some testosterone and nicotine, stat. our daughter is tired and she agrees, it is time to go. i gather my empty salad bowl and say goodbye to the other families we have been making idle smalltalk with. they look at us with an expression that says "i cant believe you are leaving before it is over... we hate you. can we come?!"
on the way home we are all quiet. i look out the window and i wonder when hockey registration starts. |
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