maybe i might: February 2008

so what is this

so what is this
recycled misery
(the kind i can remember)
or
nirvana
the place i always thought...
but now forgot.
completely.
run away with my memory.
take lyrical journeys.
walk mystical beats.
and conversation that lasts forever
except for when we
what
because we never.

was that wait
or fate
whatever.

either way its hard to say
but sometimes wonder
is the only quality
intriguing enough to make me stay
everything else
is abundant.

but i want to know.

.

Daily Tarot

Ten of Swords

The Ten of Swords card suggests that my power today lies in acceptance. It's over and done in no uncertain terms. I recognize, surrender to or accept the finality of the truth or consequences in order to look to the future or have "changed my mind." I let go of all attachment or resistance to sustaining conditions that don't work or are out of my hands. E tu brute? I can't move forward by beating a dead horse. It's the last word so put a period on it and move on. I am empowered by truth and consequences and my virtue is liberation or release from suffering, uncertainty or victimhood.

?

how does anyone ever know
whats right
what might be good for now
will only be bad when
they finally get to then
but while they wait
take misery with occasional company.
why not take now
and consider then
when
the time for then is now.
and its exactly where they want to be.

but how does anyone ever know.

axiom

our math and other problems
divide us into three
you
me
we.

will we ever be us?
is this space required for
proof of theory?

because i could write for days
months
moons
forever
and never find the answer
in a logical manner.
something that makes sense
beyond the sixth
(to the power of two).

solve this.

what it is

and then there were none
and one
whose number was so much greater
than your truth
absolute
knowledge based on what is
not what could be
assumption
explosion
you were chosen
to make messages
bring lessons
to learn
is to accept
and
adaptation
is the only answer
to maybe i dont want to
so many things
just see
is how it is
with you
and
me.

Moment Of Truth

i usually do not know what i am going to write until after the words have already spilled out. sometimes the words come so fast that it isnt until after ive put my hands in my lap, sit back and read that i realize what i've said. at this point fear usually takes over and i worry how my words will be interpreted by those that take the time to read them. i then struggle with my desire to publish my uncensored thoughts vs. the knowledge that i am opening myself to the possibility of upsetting people i care about or allowing others to crawl inside my head, my heart and my soul. the fear that they will be misguided by my words and assume things about me and my life, or worse, that they will actually understand what im saying and decide im just some crazy chick that thinks too much and values emotion over reason. i would like to say i dont care; it doesnt matter what people think of me; but the truth is it does. now that i have admitted (mostly to myself) that i care. i can begin to manage that fear. and so i will write and hope that those of you who visit will learn more about who i truly am; and that you will leave your comments and ask me questions and assume nothing and want to know more. and if you dont, thats ok - just please dont pretend you do. i took a break from writing because of past readers assumptions, misunderstanding and lack of respect. they made me feel like the words i wrote were wrong. i let their ignorance and lack of appreciation for my voice - my art - first seclude, and then silence me, for far too long. i finally realized that i was caring too much about what the people who shouldnt matter think of me - and i was leaving the people who wanted to know more in the dark. polly is alive and blogging. oh, one more thing... if you are grammar nazi or spelling police - please dont bother. ive heard it all before. i have severe punctuation fetish, except for apostrophes which kill my mood. i dont use caps. not because im too lazy to hit the shift key, but because i dont like the way they look. they distract me. i know it makes your teeth itch; but thats me. get over it. you do shit that makes me want to break stuff too ;)

maybe i might