maybe i might: a beautiful silence

[24 Mar 2006 | Friday]

so i havent blogged for 2 weeks (thanks for pointing that out w00t). it isnt that i have nothing to say - its that... i dont want to say them out loud.

have you ever had a thought. or a feeling. or some secret or story or dream. a wish or a fantasy. something that is yours. all yours. and have you noticed that, once you say it out loud... when it escapes the safety of your mind, crawls through your body and sneaks through your lips...or dances from your fingertips... it changes. almost instantly. like the air takes it for its own and you completely lose control of what was once so beautiful?

this is a beautiful silence.

so to all of you who worry when the words dont come. who ask whats wrong polly, why are you so quiet?...

i am screaming, yelling, shouting, SINGING, laughing, crying, thinking.

enjoying a beautiful silence.

Moment Of Truth

i usually do not know what i am going to write until after the words have already spilled out. sometimes the words come so fast that it isnt until after ive put my hands in my lap, sit back and read that i realize what i've said. at this point fear usually takes over and i worry how my words will be interpreted by those that take the time to read them. i then struggle with my desire to publish my uncensored thoughts vs. the knowledge that i am opening myself to the possibility of upsetting people i care about or allowing others to crawl inside my head, my heart and my soul. the fear that they will be misguided by my words and assume things about me and my life, or worse, that they will actually understand what im saying and decide im just some crazy chick that thinks too much and values emotion over reason. i would like to say i dont care; it doesnt matter what people think of me; but the truth is it does. now that i have admitted (mostly to myself) that i care. i can begin to manage that fear. and so i will write and hope that those of you who visit will learn more about who i truly am; and that you will leave your comments and ask me questions and assume nothing and want to know more. and if you dont, thats ok - just please dont pretend you do. i took a break from writing because of past readers assumptions, misunderstanding and lack of respect. they made me feel like the words i wrote were wrong. i let their ignorance and lack of appreciation for my voice - my art - first seclude, and then silence me, for far too long. i finally realized that i was caring too much about what the people who shouldnt matter think of me - and i was leaving the people who wanted to know more in the dark. polly is alive and blogging. oh, one more thing... if you are grammar nazi or spelling police - please dont bother. ive heard it all before. i have severe punctuation fetish, except for apostrophes which kill my mood. i dont use caps. not because im too lazy to hit the shift key, but because i dont like the way they look. they distract me. i know it makes your teeth itch; but thats me. get over it. you do shit that makes me want to break stuff too ;)

maybe i might

a beautiful silence

No comments:

Moment Of Truth

You Have No Idea...

maybe you should...