vegas odds were pretty good. i threw in my chips. i was feeling pretty lucky. i got caught up in the moment. a roll of the dice....
sucked in by the bright lights and smooth dealers. liquor lips smile like the devil.
looks like i lost... again.
count on me.
Doesnt it suck when you really need someone to be there. And then they aren't? You can always count on me. One day maybe I will be lucky enough to find the same quality in someone else. Until then... blog on.
seasons change
we live in circular motion. seconds tick around the clock making minutes turn to hours into days throughout the month of every year through the decades in each century. the moon dances around planet earth as we spin every day; together orbiting the sun. and seasons change.
four seasons. each unique; bring something new. change. some good; some bad. spring fresh with babies and blossoms and puddles and mud slow roast baking as summer brings sunshine and beach sandy toes. long days with barbeques and beer and campfires while children forget to read and write and ride their bikes to the autumn heat with cool breeze evenings as green grows gold frost and vibrant red. trees shed leaving patchwork blankets on the ground waiting for winter white with brittle crystal-like ice patterns on windows. cold. fresh. death.
circles.
i know your seasons. and like all else revolving. so do you. a circular motion spinning through change. my moon, orbiting me as i spin faster than you do. and together we orbit in space. your seasons change. you are fresh and i breathe deep and splash in puddles that overflow with new. we laze through your summer days. music loud. good food. long drives. in autums i see change coming. sometimes you shine brighter than ever; bold colours making loud statements. "i am here. but i will be leaving. remember this moment. i am beautiful." and then comes winter. harsh. biting. cold snaps through me. i freeze. death.
i dont like winter. but i know it has to come. it is part of the circle of life. it brings closure. and with closure... starts anew. and i know spring will come again. such is the perfect circle; time. life. sun moon stars. seasons change.
i just need to weather the storm.
four seasons. each unique; bring something new. change. some good; some bad. spring fresh with babies and blossoms and puddles and mud slow roast baking as summer brings sunshine and beach sandy toes. long days with barbeques and beer and campfires while children forget to read and write and ride their bikes to the autumn heat with cool breeze evenings as green grows gold frost and vibrant red. trees shed leaving patchwork blankets on the ground waiting for winter white with brittle crystal-like ice patterns on windows. cold. fresh. death.
circles.
i know your seasons. and like all else revolving. so do you. a circular motion spinning through change. my moon, orbiting me as i spin faster than you do. and together we orbit in space. your seasons change. you are fresh and i breathe deep and splash in puddles that overflow with new. we laze through your summer days. music loud. good food. long drives. in autums i see change coming. sometimes you shine brighter than ever; bold colours making loud statements. "i am here. but i will be leaving. remember this moment. i am beautiful." and then comes winter. harsh. biting. cold snaps through me. i freeze. death.
i dont like winter. but i know it has to come. it is part of the circle of life. it brings closure. and with closure... starts anew. and i know spring will come again. such is the perfect circle; time. life. sun moon stars. seasons change.
i just need to weather the storm.
afterglow
i wrote some words. but they were *inappropriate*. so i deleted them.
(i will whisper them instead)
(i will whisper them instead)
i should run away and join the circus
i am a tightrope walker.
you have trained me well
ringmaster.
i walk a fine line.
this time i know
there is no safety net
i am doing
EVERYTHING
in my power
not to fall.
ladies and gentlemen
boys and girls
children of all ages
watch me....
i will
amaze
you.
you have trained me well
ringmaster.
i walk a fine line.
this time i know
there is no safety net
i am doing
EVERYTHING
in my power
not to fall.
ladies and gentlemen
boys and girls
children of all ages
watch me....
i will
amaze
you.
hurry up and wait
so the million dollar question goes like this:
do you take whats right in front of you because its almost as good as it gets?
or
do you wait for what may never come because its absolute perfection?
do you take whats right in front of you because its almost as good as it gets?
or
do you wait for what may never come because its absolute perfection?
open your mind and shut your mouth.
open your mind wide open. dream beyond imagination. visualize without comprimise.
dont...
dont...
DONT!
dont say a word.
if you dream it; it will happen.
if you speak it -
(shhhhhhhhhhh)
*it*
will
die
.
dont...
dont...
DONT!
dont say a word.
if you dream it; it will happen.
if you speak it -
(shhhhhhhhhhh)
*it*
will
die
.
sweet dreams
its one of those days
where i wish i could just lay in bed
all day
(with someone else)
and dream
without sleeping
explore the future
tomorrow
next week
next month
next year
next life
embrace fear
battle with passion
ideas for ammunition
we are brave
twisted into sheets
caffeine and pillows
dreams in daylight
nighttime details
flood the hours
the clock ticking by
as we document our plan
dotting our eyes
with kisses
and crossing our teas
with cream
just dive
just dream.
where i wish i could just lay in bed
all day
(with someone else)
and dream
without sleeping
explore the future
tomorrow
next week
next month
next year
next life
embrace fear
battle with passion
ideas for ammunition
we are brave
twisted into sheets
caffeine and pillows
dreams in daylight
nighttime details
flood the hours
the clock ticking by
as we document our plan
dotting our eyes
with kisses
and crossing our teas
with cream
just dive
just dream.
here i go again on my own.
i have so many thoughts tonight. im feeling.. well.. im not exactly sure what, or how, im feeling - or even why im feeling it. my head is swimming; i have been completely preoccupied inside my own head. its been awhile since i went there.... i have SO much i want to say, and none of it i feel i can say out loud or put down in words. ive been put back in my place - again. it hurts - alot. i want to shout but the words are stuck at the back of my throat. its hard to breathe.
*choked*
*choked*
pendulum
i feel like im swinging, legs wrapped around the teather... back and forth, back and forth. i imagine a tire swing - head leaning back - hair in my face. and wind. but instead of a tire, i am sitting on a weight... and the swinging is in slow motion. the pace is set and i reach both extremes; each time i reach the farthest possible point, that weightless *airpocket* feeling sets in. i dont know if it feels good... or bad. i kiss my angel. then my devil. then my angel... back and forth, back and forth.
i know i have made my decision. i know i have made the RIGHT decision. why question? why?
why do i always choose losing battles?
why do i always fight for things i have no business fighting for?
why cant i get off this damn swing?
im waiting for the rope to break; to let this weight crash to the ground and leave such an impression. deep and wide. i can see the sky, i can breathe the air, i can hear the music. but i cant climb out.
i just want to be... grounded.
i know i have made my decision. i know i have made the RIGHT decision. why question? why?
why do i always choose losing battles?
why do i always fight for things i have no business fighting for?
why cant i get off this damn swing?
im waiting for the rope to break; to let this weight crash to the ground and leave such an impression. deep and wide. i can see the sky, i can breathe the air, i can hear the music. but i cant climb out.
i just want to be... grounded.
lifesaver
according to research provided by the nova scotia branch of the lifesaving society (the lifeguarding experts) drowning is a big problem in canada; almost 500 people drown in canada each year and, year after year, over 40% of drowning victims are alone. just because you are a "good swimmer" doesn't mean you'll be able to take care of yourself if you get into trouble. whether alone or in crowds of people, they suggest always having someone looking out for you in case you encounter difficulty...
ALWAYS SWIM WITH A BUDDY.
such basic advice. i think i will take it.
and so enters my swim buddy. "just dive" she says... she swims like me! straight to the deep end, treading water, lots of splashing, diving under, holding breath, summersaults, blowing bubbles, back float - face in the clouds, front float - help im drowning, breast stroke - er, ya. we both go too far... fortunately not at the same time... one calls for help; the other goes into personal floatation device mode - full search and rescue.
i know how to swim! i spent every summer in that frikken cold ass glacier lake taking lessons. yellow, green, orange, maroon (hell-oh!), red, silver...whatever. i was there. i'd know it was swim day when i woke up to rain. i cursed the godlike cleanliness of the lake back then; instructor girls with their red cross tank suits could always see my toes touching the sand and rocks below. dont make me swim 20m, 40m, 60m... let me dive off the damn wooden dock over the dropoff!
bitch as i may, i know i learned. and so, with nods to the canadian red cross and the nova scotia lifesavers (ooooh like CANDY!), i promise to always wait 30 min after eating before entering the water (but what if we are on a dinner date?!) and i will always swim with a buddy.
seems lately im surrounded by water. so now we've got each other; lets go test the water. i'll bring my air matress &stuff and together we can dive, float, splash, crash....
but we will *never* drown.
ALWAYS SWIM WITH A BUDDY.
such basic advice. i think i will take it.
and so enters my swim buddy. "just dive" she says... she swims like me! straight to the deep end, treading water, lots of splashing, diving under, holding breath, summersaults, blowing bubbles, back float - face in the clouds, front float - help im drowning, breast stroke - er, ya. we both go too far... fortunately not at the same time... one calls for help; the other goes into personal floatation device mode - full search and rescue.
i know how to swim! i spent every summer in that frikken cold ass glacier lake taking lessons. yellow, green, orange, maroon (hell-oh!), red, silver...whatever. i was there. i'd know it was swim day when i woke up to rain. i cursed the godlike cleanliness of the lake back then; instructor girls with their red cross tank suits could always see my toes touching the sand and rocks below. dont make me swim 20m, 40m, 60m... let me dive off the damn wooden dock over the dropoff!
bitch as i may, i know i learned. and so, with nods to the canadian red cross and the nova scotia lifesavers (ooooh like CANDY!), i promise to always wait 30 min after eating before entering the water (but what if we are on a dinner date?!) and i will always swim with a buddy.
seems lately im surrounded by water. so now we've got each other; lets go test the water. i'll bring my air matress &stuff and together we can dive, float, splash, crash....
but we will *never* drown.
hypothermia
you ran
sand kicking up from your heels
not knowing
not caring
how deep the water was
you said that it was 'beautiful'
come
swim with me
and so i followed
and we swam
splashed
giggled
laughed
you pulled me deeper
we held our breath
and sank beneath the waves
i came up for air
you havent resurfaced
and now im treading water
and it is
cold.
sand kicking up from your heels
not knowing
not caring
how deep the water was
you said that it was 'beautiful'
come
swim with me
and so i followed
and we swam
splashed
giggled
laughed
you pulled me deeper
we held our breath
and sank beneath the waves
i came up for air
you havent resurfaced
and now im treading water
and it is
cold.
100% of half is half and other mathematical equations
i do and i say and i feel and i think and i give and i give and i give.
(keep adding)
this is a problem. with infinite possible equations. and only one solution.
everything times nothing equals
nothing.
(keep adding)
this is a problem. with infinite possible equations. and only one solution.
everything times nothing equals
nothing.
making waves
the thought of jumping out of a plane over an ocean should terrify me.
in breaking news... there has been a luscious collision just east of the lost city of atlantis. bystanding mermaids say butterflies were seen in the area just prior to the hit. fireworks are still going off.
but it doesnt.
breaking news update... waves have settled from the recent collision at atlantis. our underwater correspondant reports schools (of fish) rushing to the scene. a mysterious mermaid has been spotted swimming along side the ghost of a shark. an abandoned bicycle remains unclaimed. fireworks continue... stay tuned.
the ocean will never be the same.
in breaking news... there has been a luscious collision just east of the lost city of atlantis. bystanding mermaids say butterflies were seen in the area just prior to the hit. fireworks are still going off.
but it doesnt.
breaking news update... waves have settled from the recent collision at atlantis. our underwater correspondant reports schools (of fish) rushing to the scene. a mysterious mermaid has been spotted swimming along side the ghost of a shark. an abandoned bicycle remains unclaimed. fireworks continue... stay tuned.
the ocean will never be the same.
random acts of bullshit
why are people so quick to assume that when someone tries to do something nice, or helpful, or supportive, they are only doing it for their own personal gain? is it so difficult to believe that the only personal gain one might be after is the satisfaction in knowing that they have made someone else smile? have we become too skeptical when it comes to the actions of others? have good deeds become vehicles for alterior motives? is everyone so busy plotting and scheming, planning their daily moves like an oversized chess game?
"...if i do this, this will happen, which will cause this reaction, which will result in...."
i'm not doing it for money. i'm not doing it for fame. i'm not doing it for love or sex or cookies. i'm doing it because.
JUST because.
so, if you are thinking differently. if you assume i need a reason to be here, doing the things that i do. that there is a calculated plan to some ultimate goal. that i am playing tricks and keeping secrets...
i wonder why you do the things you do. for me.
"...if i do this, this will happen, which will cause this reaction, which will result in...."
i'm not doing it for money. i'm not doing it for fame. i'm not doing it for love or sex or cookies. i'm doing it because.
JUST because.
so, if you are thinking differently. if you assume i need a reason to be here, doing the things that i do. that there is a calculated plan to some ultimate goal. that i am playing tricks and keeping secrets...
i wonder why you do the things you do. for me.
youre the inspiration
someone asked me today if i can always write, or if i need inspiration. my answer? both. because i am always inspired.
inspiration is all around me. i draw from every experience, regardless how minute or profound. not a day goes by that something, or someone, does not evoke emotion that is strong enough to warrant written word. today is no exception.
the words you will read as you scroll through past and future posts, the letters and dots and dashes, they are mine. the meaning behind these words... i cannot lay claim. your emotions, your experiences, your life - this is where my words are born. i often write - for you. i listen and absorb. i process. and i create. without you, this would be a blank white screen.
today i am inspired in so many ways. i am inspired by the unconditional love and understanding of one of my truest friends... his complete acceptance and appreciation for who i am and for his encouragement to keep being me; our uncanny similarities. our shared philosophies. and i am inspired by a new friend, who has become a true friend. who fits the same mold.
thank you. thank you for sharing your life with me. you allow me to create.
youre the inspiration.
inspiration is all around me. i draw from every experience, regardless how minute or profound. not a day goes by that something, or someone, does not evoke emotion that is strong enough to warrant written word. today is no exception.
the words you will read as you scroll through past and future posts, the letters and dots and dashes, they are mine. the meaning behind these words... i cannot lay claim. your emotions, your experiences, your life - this is where my words are born. i often write - for you. i listen and absorb. i process. and i create. without you, this would be a blank white screen.
today i am inspired in so many ways. i am inspired by the unconditional love and understanding of one of my truest friends... his complete acceptance and appreciation for who i am and for his encouragement to keep being me; our uncanny similarities. our shared philosophies. and i am inspired by a new friend, who has become a true friend. who fits the same mold.
thank you. thank you for sharing your life with me. you allow me to create.
youre the inspiration.
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