hard to swallow

the girl opened her eyes
as bare feet touched ground.
she walked to the cabinet
and stared with a frown.
gazing at bottles
of yellow, blue, red
choice of daily emoition
she weighed in her head.

its a sad day for me
if my choice is blue
moping and eating
with nothing to do
i'll cry and i'll sleep
no visitors; no calls
depressing thoughts
and bare white walls.

if i choose red
i'll be filled with rage,
bitter hate and fuck your way.
i'll smash and break
i'll scream and yell.
i'll damn the world.
its my personal hell.

if i choose yellow
im sure to find love
its the logical choice
and its been long enough
i can fill my mind with butterflies;
joyfully be hypnotized
as i float through the day
in a lovely trance
i'll sing
i'll spin
i'll hum
i'll dance

the girl couldnt decide
and so she took two;
one of the red
one of the blue.
i feel better with purple right now
she said
'cause when yellow wears off
i would rather be dead

rush

its the rush
that stops us
dead in tracks;
two hearts attack.

heads in clouds but
rips through silver linings
like lightning,
we bolt.
tearing at the speed of sound;
never even left the ground.

life happens backwards;
craves new beginnings
spins perception into thoughts
like hurricanes
funnel through mouths
spitting rain

captured by the rapture
of premature infatuation
or is this calm before the storm
of something real
of something warm.

fall to sixth

face forward
to the wind;
it moves me...
can you feel it?
whispers of the unknown
screaming in my ears
cast tears
from closed eyes.

warming up
is the hardest part
from where we start.
and we're frozen...
yet so sweet
when
drenched with heat
;
passion of the unknown.

i grant you the power
of the rising sun
and yet
you let
it set

you think i cant see in the dark
but twilight sharpens my senses


taste
salt
smell
fear.

hear
nothing
feel
more...

fall to sixth
point blank
and reason;
i never lie
to myself

break in to me

i wrote some words
yet none have heard
songs true that sing
inside my soul
its here where i feel whole
but spoken
becomes broken
meaning trapped between my lips
i dont dare whisper...

but write;
seems right

password
lock
key
me
.

tiny little moment

how will i ever know
what i want?
and
what i need?

perhaps
happily after ever
wanting never
needing knowing
is the moment when i'll see.

decoupage

recklessly abandoning tangible thoughts
in pursuit of irrelevant happenstance
i take chances with moments
subconsciously wishing for nothing
(is as it seems)
pinch pieces of dreams
with fire burned edges
and fit them together;
create a puzzle collage
lacquering layers
of horses and kings and knights and players
but still feeling the fray
of disconnect
where they intersect
and pulling ideas
that stick out in my mind
(revealing nothing behind)

better than nothing.

perhaps i was wrong. perhaps it isnt worth knowing the joy regardless of the pain.

maybe its just easier to settle on whats possible.

i suppose its better than

nothing.

take flight

its real
anyway
we deal
these cards
say
get on the plane
fly
fly
fly
you have wings
and
so
do
i
.

losing my reflection

searching for new angles in this hall of mirrors i find myself a thousand times reflecting half the story with reversed assumptions bouncing back onto myself and causing glare and fucking with my instinct and confusing what i see and choosing wrong directions.

which one is really me?

a flash of new light brings fear suddenly seeing beyond myself and wondering how this missed impression escaped my sight i think and i look twice and i breathe and i look thrice.

where did i go?

see im looking through a window now.
and
when the sun shines just right i
see my transparent reflection
(but at least i know im here)
and
i can see the other side

its a beautiful view

This is a Test

This is a test.
This author is conducting a test of the Emergency Blogging System.
This is only a test.

affect, affection, affectivity, agitation, anger, ardor, commotion, concern, desire, despair, despondency, disturbance, drive, ecstasy, elation, empathy, excitability, excitement, feeling, fervor, grief, gut reaction, happiness, inspiration, joy, love, melancholy, passion, perturbation, pride, rage, remorse, responsiveness, sadness, satisfaction, sensation, sensibility, sensitiveness, sentiment, shame, sorrow, sympathy, thrill, tremor, vehemence, vibes, warmth, zeal

This is a test of the Emergency Blogging System. This author, in voluntary cooperation with her ideas, thoughts and feelings, has developed this system to keep herself inspired in the event of an emergency. If this had been an actual emergency, including emotional breakdown, random acts of intensity, sudden awareness or unadulterated events resulting in visceral expression, the blog containing the aforementioned (but not limited to) emotions would have been created by way of cryptic messages and overindulgent metaphors. Certain areas may also have experienced loss of punctuation or flood by ellipses...

This concludes this test of the Emergency Blogging System.

half way to the middle of fabricating the truth

this new found land
halfway between
fantastical nirvana
and dreaded bliss
at midpoint
we bleed ecstasy.
and dizzy does that;
vertigo...
dont look down
im falling up
and spins begin.

chasing spiral stairs
leads to nowhere
but more blank stares
and we blink before we think
.

holding hands,
like healing hearts,
is hard
(and haunted heads ache)
rock is solid;
lighthouse leads the way
yet still there is fog.

this new found land
halfway between
inevitable existence
and virtual duality.
foreigners speak the same language
and nothing is stranger
than fiction
come fact...

how will you react?

seasick

i walked alone along the shoreline
(eternally spotless, my mind)
over matter
skipping rocks
causing ripples
distorting reflection.
confusing
(my affection)
to the sea.
i could not see
beyond these mountains
cold tipped rocks
too great to skip
and heart goes flip...
instant attraction.

spells cast dark
like shadows
masked distraction.
ghosts of sharks
from the sea
i could not see.

sand sifts time
yet still i climb
dig picks to rock
(sparks fly)
my head is in the clouds now
but i can only float
on water.
summit brings thin air
its hard to breathe
when faced with most breathtaking views
what did i choose?

my mermaid laughter
lost in wind
and hooves make thunder
upon this glacier...
frozen
water
i see.

i still taste salt.
i found the fault
(the greatest crack
which widens the gap)
we shift.
icicle darts
make tsunami waves;
push me from the ledge.

sand.
i see
my footprints
where i was...
not so long ago.
i wring out my sunshine mind;
offer tea
from seashell cups.

the sea
i see.

im moving mountains.