i have so many thoughts tonight. im feeling.. well.. im not exactly sure what, or how, im feeling - or even why im feeling it. my head is swimming; i have been completely preoccupied inside my own head. its been awhile since i went there.... i have SO much i want to say, and none of it i feel i can say out loud or put down in words. ive been put back in my place - again. it hurts - alot. i want to shout but the words are stuck at the back of my throat. its hard to breathe.
*choked*
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[(constant observation + social absorption + your secrets) + (vivid imagination + sleep deprivation + ADD)] x (the perfect song(s) + gin*) / (460922 x emotion) + .5(humour x sarcasm x smartass) = http://maybeimight.blogspot.com/ ~ *may be substituted with spirits, wine or beer of equal value (results may vary slightly)
Moment Of Truth
i usually do not know what i am going to write until after the words have already spilled out. sometimes the words come so fast that it isnt until after ive put my hands in my lap, sit back and read that i realize what i've said. at this point fear usually takes over and i worry how my words will be interpreted by those that take the time to read them. i then struggle with my desire to publish my uncensored thoughts vs. the knowledge that i am opening myself to the possibility of upsetting people i care about or allowing others to crawl inside my head, my heart and my soul. the fear that they will be misguided by my words and assume things about me and my life, or worse, that they will actually understand what im saying and decide im just some crazy chick that thinks too much and values emotion over reason. i would like to say i dont care; it doesnt matter what people think of me; but the truth is
it does.
now that i have admitted (mostly to myself) that i care. i can begin to manage that fear. and so i will write and hope that those of you who visit will learn more about who i truly am; and that you will leave your comments and ask me questions and assume nothing and want to know more. and if you dont, thats ok - just please dont pretend you do.
i took a break from writing because of past readers assumptions, misunderstanding and lack of respect. they made me feel like the words i wrote were wrong. i let their ignorance and lack of appreciation for my voice - my art - first seclude, and then silence me, for far too long. i finally realized that i was caring too much about what the people who shouldnt matter think of me - and i was leaving the people who wanted to know more in the dark.
polly is alive and blogging.
oh, one more thing... if you are grammar nazi or spelling police - please dont bother. ive heard it all before. i have severe punctuation fetish, except for apostrophes which kill my mood. i dont use caps. not because im too lazy to hit the shift key, but because i dont like the way they look. they distract me. i know it makes your teeth itch; but thats me. get over it. you do shit that makes me want to break stuff too ;)
You Have No Idea...
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2007
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March
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- the gambler
- count on me.
- seasons change
- afterglow
- i should run away and join the circus
- hurry up and wait
- open your mind and shut your mouth.
- sweet dreams
- here i go again on my own.
- pendulum
- lifesaver
- dear mister you
- hypothermia
- 100% of half is half and other mathematical equations
- making waves
- random acts of bullshit
- youre the inspiration
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